Shaunti Fledhahn

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For Women Only
For Women Only DVD Bible Study
For Young Women Only
For Men Only
For Parents Only
Novels

For Women Only

I am a licensed professional counselor and will use your book with all of my female clients struggling in their marriage.
My husband and I have reconciled and are now willing to work on our relationship.
God has restored us not back to the way we were, but to a new relationship, better than I could have ever imagined.
I just wanted to let you know that your book changed my life and my way of thinking of my husband. Everything in this book was a surprise to me…needless to say, I was doing exactly the opposite, which basically ruined our relationship. After reading your book, you can’t believe how my eyes, ears, and heart have been opened to my relationship with my husband.
For at least three years now I have been baffled at why my marriage is failing. NOW I KNOW—I really have been doing a great job at destroying the man I love, although unintentionally. WHEW! Now, I will tell you that I am not the only one to blame, but knowing what I have learned from just two chapters of your book…well, even I wouldn’t want to live with myself!
You helped me better understand what it means to be a wife who supports her husband, who has faith in him and his abilities, who loves him the way he needs to be loved, to cherish and understand the love that he gives. You really helped change my view of womanhood and being a wife. I deeply appreciate the way that you have clearly illustrated what you share in the way you write—that of genuine respect and affirming men.
It’s challenged and changed the way I understand, communicate and deal with the guys in my life from my father to work colleagues.
The man I love and adore has become more precious, more admired, respected and understood after reading your book.
Your book has changed me so much, and changed our relationship so much, that I’m starting a women’s bible study on it at my church.
I know that honoring, respecting and submitting to my husband doesn’t sacrifice my needs—it helps me realize them. I know that my reward will be the fruits of our family, the quality of our marriage and the relationship I have with Christ.
My best friend’s marriage is in the act of being saved, thanks in large part to her wisdom.
MY WORLD IS ROCKED!!! It’s like the scales have come off of my eyes! Just how helpless and clueless I feel about respecting my man is probably how helpless and clueless he feels about admiring and affirming me… I mean I am IN THE DARK! I mean, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my husband and I felt as if I was doing a pretty good job as a wife, but I am MISSING THE MARK!!!!
I would like to think I’ve gone the “extra mile” to understand my husband, and yet I really missed the boat on some key issues.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for opening my eyes, my heart, and my soul to realizing that I do not know everything I thought I did about the man that I love.
It usually takes a book that grabs my attention and hangs-on-for-dear-life for me to even finish reading it. Well … I read that book in less than 48 hours (which is unbelieveable for me). You were so on track with how a man feels, thinks and why he acts the way he does that I was amazed!
You helped me fall in love with my husband all over again.
I’m reading For Women Only, and finding it very helpful. While there were few surprise issues—my husband has been telling me this stuff for some time, and I’ve read similar things in other books (mostly by men) but you were able to make these ideas so much easier for me to grasp. Your comments about unconditional respect alone were so eye opening, and helped me to really grab a hold of the “how” of respecting him when I don’t feel like it! I wish I had known at the beginning of our marriage many of the things I’ve learned in the last several years—and now understood better from reading your book. You can be sure I’ll be teaching my daughter these principles! (She’s currently 14; I’m going to check out For Young Women Only, too.) I really appreciate that you’re basing your lessons on actual responses from real men, rather than coming up with a neat little theory in a neat little package. Thanks for putting all that work and time into the surveys.
About 3 years ago, I bought your book For Women Only at a pastor’s wives conference in Florida. It has revolutionized my marriage in so many ways and helped me to better understand my husband. I have reread the book several times. It has helped us through many trials in our relationship In fact, I have started buying your books in bulk because I always end up giving mine away. It has provided an amazing opportunity for me to minister to my coworkers, Christian and nonChristian alike. Thank you for all of your hard work and service to women everywhere. You are making an eternal and immediate impact through your research and writings.

Wish I’d had this book many years ago…

Oh how I wish I’d read it ten years ago!
I read it one night and wished that I had had that book 25 years ago when my husband and I were newlyweds!
I have truly enjoyed your book For Women Only. I only wish I had your book 31 years ago when I first got married.
Just finished reading your book For Women Only. WOW is all I can say. What a great book for wives to read to learn what their husbands really think about them!! I wish I’d had this several years earlier as it might have saved my marriages from certain disaster.
Just read your book For Women Only, I wish I would have had it 20 years ago.
Where were you 10 years ago?! I have been married 20 years and it is like you have become my marriage translator: my husband has been speaking a foreign language this whole time and you told me what he really has been saying.
If I had possessed this book earlier on in our marriage, I guarantee we would have avoided the infidelity and through me understanding him, I would have been understood as well. Needless to say I have begun handing the book out to all my friends.

What Male Readers of For Women Only Say:

Your book For Women Only… The author has really made every effort to delve beneath the surface and reveal our most frightening secrets, and I am astounded to discover that all these insecurities I harbor are so common among men. Ultimately, the highest praise I can give Mrs. Feldhahn is to spread this book around and let women know that when they turn the first page, they are at the gatehouse to understanding. Thanks kindly for this book.
I was going to read For Women Only to see if you “got it right”. Mind you, I have not been a very avid reader until of late… and it usually takes a book that grabs my attention and hangs-on-for-dear-life for me to even finish reading it. I read the book in less than 48 hours. You were so on track with how a man feels, thinks and why he acts the way he does that I was amazed. You are right on target! I found myself saying “That’s exactly right!” I even discovered your book describing ways that I have felt myself, but was unable to put those feelings into my own words.
I bought your book For Women Only yesterday for my wife after researching materials on the web. We have had increasingly serious relationship conversations lately and she has been increasingly depressed. I read your book in one sitting before giving it to her. I wanted to know if you were at all accurate about what men would want their wives to know. I have seen a number of articles/books like this in the past and they generally followed the same cliches. We also went to a seminar which basically taught my wife that only *I* need to change to make her happy all the time. She had no responsibility to understand the way I operate and adjust the way she interacts with me. Very frustrating. I found your book to be tremendously insightful and a great way to have my wife hear all the things I can’t say to her myself. So, thank you for giving me the opportunity to have you speak to her on my behalf. The book is on the dresser while I’m at work today. I’m praying she picks it up and begins to understand me a little better today. I want more than anything for this marriage to grow stronger, not weaker, as the years go by. Currently, almost every way in which she relates to me is the exact opposite of how I need her to relate to me. I sincerely believe that your book can help turn that around.

For Women Only DVD Bible Study

Friday mornings have been such a great time of growth reflection stretching and sometimes a hard introspective time. We have approx 50 women who come out and just soak in all this new information. One of the main themes I am hearing is “I feel like I am falling in love all over again with my husband.”
Thanks so much Shaunti for your book, workbook and survey. We have just finished the class and have had 35 in attendance. We purchased workbooks and watched the dvd and Wednesday we will listen to you and your husband being interviewed. I must say I have been married 43 years and have truly learned something new each week. Great stuff, and plan to show it again next year.
Just want to thank you for your Bible study! There are so many stories of changed marriages, changed attitudes, open conversations between spouses, many ah-ha moments, 2 marriages most likely saved, women who never realized what they were saying was disrespectful, shared encouragement, lots of questions, lots of laughter and tears, too. So, thank you so much for your efforts!!! You have blessed at least 35 marriages in Salinas, California…and many others who picked up your book…not to mention all the conversations with friends. I even had 4 men ask me about the study and not all of their wives were involved. I also took sign ups for more books, the men’s book and CD. I sent in an order for more than 60 items. So that makes over 120 families blessed…not bad at all! — Women’s Ministry Director
What a POWERFUL study. As I read the book and study guide, it’s as if this book was written just for me as it pinpoints exactly how I act towards my husband. Wow it’s started conversations between me and (my husband) about respect, and as Shaunti says, I had no clue he perceived what I say/do as lack of respect.
Thanks for putting together an amazing study. I’m learning so much and already seeing a change in myself and my husband.
It helps me to understand that I’m not alone in the insecurity I feel.
This study has been a blessing by opening up many conversations with (my husband) and passing on some of my wisdom to the younger women at our table. OH how I wish I would have had this information as (my husband) and I started out. I am struggling to go forward and stop looking back at the damage I’ve done. At times it brings tears to my eyes remembering certain instances in our marriage where I was awful to (my husband). I truly have a WONDERFUL Husband and at times feel I don’t deserve him. So I try to keep my eyes forward knowing that the rest of our lives it will be better because of this study.
I really like this study. It’s helped me out tremendously! My boyfriend’s noticed a difference and I feel better about things. I think I have a tendency to nag and this has really helped me not to.
I have had a great time at the study. I really like the set up. I like the video to start and then the group discussion. I’m amazed at the single women who take the course for their own betterment.
I have taken in A LOT of great information about being a good wife and obedient daughter to God. Since taking the class I have been much more relaxed about when my husband gets home; my duties as a homemaker (taking more pride in getting things done); how important it is for me to make my husband feel he is the most important man in my life and how much I appreciate him getting up so early every day to slay the dragon for me and (our children). It is truly amazing to learn how men are wired, how they think, what their priorities are, what they really feel underneath all of that testosterone, etc.
I feel that this class and book are a wonderful refresher course about regarding and treating your husband the way you (hopefully) did when you were first married and before you got soooo busy with raising children, etc. I see it as a kind of “sensitivity training” course—to remember, or learn, that our husbands are much more sensitive to things than we realize (or remember). (from a woman married over 20 years)
This study really helped get me on the right track for things I could do to help my marriage that I wasn’t even aware of. And I am still amazed at the results it produced in my husband and therefore in our relationship.
It was helpful to read the book at the same time as the study. All of the chapters have some good insights. A couple of chapters in the study may be familiar or easy to learn, a couple you may find harder, but a couple will be VERY hard to hear and do. For me that was chapters 4 and 5 (Sex Changes Everything and Keeper of the Visual Rolodex), but it may be different for everyone. It was very hard for me to attend the study in those weeks, but I went and I am better for it.
What this class did for me the most was to help me know how to help my kids when they start dating. I already bought the book for young women and can’t wait to start reading it. I hope it comes in handy raising teens! I really enjoyed this class and was happy to have the opportunity to get to know some wonderful ladies.
I must admit this bible study was extremely challenging to apply at first, as most lifestyle changes often are. I began to take baby steps in applying what I was learning in our study group and applying these lessons into my marriage. I could see the difference in my husband’s demeanor, he seemed to stand taller. One day my husband confided that he and my friend’s husband had noticed a change in our attitudes towards them, they were impressed and liked what they were seeing in their wives. What they were seeing was r-e-s-p-e-c-t! And what I saw in my husbands eyes was love. I am so very sorry I didn’t have a clue, before this class, what I was not giving him.

For Young Women Only

The book For Young Women Only was recommended to me for my teenage daughter. I felt I had to read it before I could ask her to read it. WOW what an education I got, this book should be mandatory reading for all young girls.
I have read all three books, and my roommate is currently reading them. We both thought that we were fairly educated on guys, beings as we both have 3 brothers and tons of guy friends. These books made me soo much more aware of what Im doing to these guys that I am so close to. I had no idea what was going through their heads! I am soo glad that I have read these books right before my pursuit for a husband…they are so beneficial! They not only help me relate to my boyfriend and close guy friends, but also to my 17 and 21 year old brothers! Thanks a ton.
Wow! It’s exam time at school, so I’m getting a lot of free time. I read your book For Young Women Only in about 3 hours! I really liked it. I’ve been going through the ups and downs of a relationship with a guy, and it gave me a lot of insight into how he thinks. I understand that a lot of the arguments we had were unnecessary, and some of it was because I had no idea what he was going through as a guy; I only knew what I WANTED from him as a girl. Thanks so much for your book. Now I’ll never have to make those mistakes again!
I have just read your book, For Young Women Only. It was seriously opened my eyes to awesome insights! I have lots of guy friends and being a teen is kind of hard to navigate through sometimes. This book helped me in my own walk with God as well as my walk with guys. Thank you so much and I pray that God continues to bless you incredibly!!!
I just wanted to say thank you. This book has really helped me and prepared me for when I do date!!
I have read one of your books, For Young Women Only, and I found it an incredible help in understanding how guys function. Thank you so much for the advice.

For Men Only

I have been a Christian almost all my life. I grew up with two older sisters, so I thought I understood women fairly well. I am married to a wonderful woman named Vickie (8+ years). We have no children…yet. I love my wife and I am devoted to her, but I have difficulty understanding her at times. I have been reading relationship-based books for some time now, so when I came upon For Men Only, I was pleased to have some sort of “map” to help me figure her out. I must say that, at first, I took offense to the book. I thought I knew a lot (at least more than my male peers) about women and how they are “wired”. I found myself at times to get angry and to be in disbelief on issues you discussed in the book. One key issue was on how non-visual most women are. I actually found it to be hurtful to think that my wife may not think of me physically as I do her. Yet, I must admit that (comparing your research to my wife’s actions) there is coincidence.
Hello, I am a 21 year old single male. I really enjoyed For Men Only and I also read For Women Only. For Men Only obviously did what it was meant to do…I don’t know my future wife yet, but it really made my heart open to the things of women.
I have just recently purchased 3 of your For Women Only books, and three of the For Men Only. I plan on teaching a class from the For Men Only book at my church. I am so excited about what you and your husband have written in your respective books. (From Australia)
I’ve just finished reading For Men Only (and several chapters of For Women Only) and I can’t express my gratitude enough. You have boldly jumped into the marriages of men and women around the globe and cleared a lot of stuff up! When I read the “selected” chapters from my wife’s For Women Only I was praising God and becoming more self aware at the same time. I have recommended both books to every married couple in my church and will give my copy of FMO out on loan tomorrow (Sunday). I urge every married man and woman to read these books as they are vital to understanding how the other one works and how to help practically. You guys are amazing! Thanks for your faithfulness and courage. You’re an inspiration and what you’ve written will bless and save thousands (maybe millions) of marriages. I endeavour to “plug” your books at every opportunity.

What Female Readers of For Men Only Say:

P.S. I was sick one day and so I read For Men Only. It was everything I wished I could explain to my husband and coming from a male perspective but with female insight I feel so good to have my thoughts given voice.

What Readers of For Parents Only Say:

It's a scientific fact that parents do not understand teenagers. In fact, the only people who understand teenagers are other teenagers--and Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa A. Rice. The authors of For Parents Only took a nationwide survey of over 1000 teens. I am overwhelmed at their dedication. They don't endorse bad behavior, and they point out that there are exceptions for every rule, but they cover a lot of subjects that have kept parents bewildered since Adam and Eve raised Cain and Able. The results may surprise you.
Have you ever wondered why your teen won't talk and when he does it's nothing you want to hear? Wonder why she ignores your advice, but can quote from memory what her peers are saying? It's all between the covers of this book, along with some really surprising comments from teenagers, both boys and girls. Feldhahn and Rice have done a great job of writing a guidebook for parents of teens. For Parents Only is a book the reader will read more than once. Recommended for all parents.
In For Parents Only: Getting Inside The Head of Your Kid, the table is nicely set by going over the essentials of what is going on with our teenage kids and providing multiple real-life examples as well as suggestions along the way on how to tackle various situations. I was impressed with the way the authors kept both feet on the ground, and they do not come across patronizing, fully realizing that every parent is facing his or her own specific situation. The introductory chapter is essential for the reader, as the authors set forth the ground rules of the book, such as "We are not endorsing the behavior or excusing the poor choices described by some kids in these pages" and "Our finding are nationally representative but we personally approach parenting from a Christian worldview". At 183 pages, this is a quick read, and nothing revolutionary is set forth in this little book, but then again nothing is quite as aself-evident either and this book does a great job providing insights and/or reminders how we can better approach/understand/appreciate our teenage kids.
For Parents Only is a resource that all parents need--whether your children are little and growing up way too fast, or only a few short years from leaving the nest. The writing is sitting across the kitchen table and sharing a cup of coffee friendly, and yet as helpful and wise as if your mother or grandmother is sharing their wisdom. This is a must have for parents, counselors, and anyone involved with youth.
For Parents Only is a Christian resource for parents of teenagers. The two conducted lots of research online and in person and gathered data from over 1000 teenagers about what they want and need from their parents. The results are both surprising and expected. They take the data, combine it with Scripture and real anecdotes to give simple, down-to-earth advice on how to be the best parent you can be. What really sets this book apart from other parenting guides, is the comments from teens. There are no great psychological breakthroughs or studies, just real information you can use. As a mother of two teens myself (pray for me!), I found a lot of great info here. Often our kids just want to vent to us and for us to acknowledge their feelings about something without offering judgment or advice. I occasionally ask my daughter when she's ranting if she just needs me to listen or wants my take on the situation. It gives her the opportunity to let me know what she needs, and allows me to listen fully without thinking of my response. The book also taught me the need to be calm even when the kids are dropping bombs. If I do that, they know they can trust me in the future. This is a fantastic parenting guide, short and sweet.
This is by far the most practical, useful, and insightful book I've ever read in regards to parenting. Teens are the hardest to understand, but everything in For Parents Only makes total sense. I have two teenage boys and the scenarios describe them to a "T" to the point where I had to laugh. They really are typical teens. The tidbits of wisdom in this reader-friendly book are incredible and the advice should work if applied correctly. In fact, I tried a few things myself and the results were amazing.
This is one of the best books on pre-teens and teens I've read. It is very easy to read and has tons of helpful information. Read it before your kids enter the pre-teen years...you'll be glad you did.
For Parents Only provides some strong, solid messages for deciphering what your teen is thinking versus what logic might dictate your teen might be thinking. Above all, however, the underlying message is to listen to your kids, try to understand what lies below their message, and understand they appreciate your boundaries no matter how often they test them. I like to think of For Parents Only as a field guide to the teenage years...one I will continue to reference again and again; sometimes for advice but mostly to remind myself to listen, to pay attention, and above all to ensure they feel the love and support they need to get through these confusing and often heartbreaking years.

Novels

I just finished The Lights of Tenth Street. It has to be the best book I have ever read and I read a lot. Not only was it a can’t put it down read, but caused me to look deeper within myself and question whether I fulfill the ministries I am called to and if I could truly surrender everything to God’s will like Doug did. It was wonderful. I can’t wait to read The Veritas Conflict.
I purchased 12 copies of Veritas Conflict for our neighborhood book club. My husband and I loved the book, and thought it would be a great conversation starter.
Your fiction books are excellent, do you ever plan to write more? (The answer is not anytime soon.)
I just finished reading The Lights of Tenth Street. That is the greatest book I have ever read. I was inspired and moved. I am actively searching for a Church in my area to volunteer at and join. I hope I can find one like the one described in your book. I can’t wait for The Veritas Conflict to arrive.
I have enjoyed very much the two of your books that I have read, The Veritas Conflict and The Lights of Tenth Street. They were both very well written, believable, fast-paced and kept me on the edge of my seat. The Lights of Tenth Street especially spoke to me. I have had problems with pornography. I have talked to two of the pastors at my church, (and as you wrote, I was fearful what they would say and perhaps even throw me out of the church), they have been amazingly supportive. I have been going to a weekly meeting for sex addicts at my church and it has helped a lot. As I was working up my courage to walk into church to tell one of the pastors about my lifestyle, I remembered what you had written about the devil lying to us about what was going to happen and decided to walk in even if I was thrown out of the church, I needed to tell someone what was going on with me. Thank you again.
I absolutely loved your book The Veritas Conflict. I wanted to read it over and over again but my dad still had to finish the book. Are there any other books for young people my age (16) that you have written or that you suggest us to read, that are like your veritas book?