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Julie Fidler
Posts:162
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| 09/13/2008 10:00 PM |
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What is the biggest struggle your marriage is facing right now?
For us, i t's finances. I recently quit a full-time job to take a part-time one (so I could spend the rest of the time writing), and we're both pretty determined to make it work, but finances were a struggle even before I changed jobs. It's amazing how much pressure it puts on your marriage...
-Julie
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Fallen Short
Posts:5
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| 09/25/2008 9:34 PM |
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Well, they all seem pretty big right now .... we have many struggles going on right now ...
1) This is a second marriage for both of us, and each of us has a teenaged daughter, so there are parenting issues and emotional baggage to be dealt with.
2) one of our daughters is recovering from a Narcotics/Alcohol addiction
3) I am recovering from a sexual addiction and all the marital fallout associated with it
4) we have more expenses than income at the moment
5) HUGE sexual differences between us compounded my history of sexual addiction and my wife's stress level
6) health problems for both me and my wife
I do love my wife and am committed to her,  but it feels like we are being tested in a big way 
I thank the Lord for His strength, because without it, I don't know how we could go on. I am amazed my wife hasn't left me actually, because she thinks sex addicts are evil.
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Psalm 37:4-5
Posts:2
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| 09/30/2008 3:07 PM |
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| My husband and I have an interesting situation. He and I are "wired" opposite from then normal couple. That being said, I 100% completely agree with and experience the feelings of rejection mentioned in chapter 4 of For Women Only . It also leads to other difficulties directly related to that and nothing else. I know he loves me fiercely and is one hundred percent faithful (won't even look at a gratuitous tv commercial), but I constantly have to give the feelings of rejection over to the LORD. Every other aspect of our relationship seems to be typical and he is way far better a husband than I ever thought God would grant me. But this one aspect does need serious prayer. We've read books, talked with people, and come to the conclusion that there MUST be other couples out there like this. Maybe when I find the answers to this, I'll write a book! |
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Psalm 37:4-5
Posts:2
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| 09/30/2008 3:09 PM |
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| That is, I understand the feelings usually felt by the husband in chapter 4. |
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Tiffany
Posts:29
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| 04/29/2009 3:00 PM |
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To me our biggest struggle is us trying to be best friends. We met 22 yrs. ago, moved in together 3 months later, & got married 9 months after that...& no I was not pregnant! I went to church as a teenager but when I got out on my own I forgot about God for many years. When our daughter was born (3 years after we got married), I said we should raise her to know God & so we started attending church. Attending is about all we did. We didn't focus on God, etc. Once when we were playing "The Newlywed" board game with friends my husband answered one of the ?s by saying that he didn't know I was so religious. We continued attending church most of the time. Our daughter is a Jr in High School so she can drive herself places & is a social butterfly so she's never home. That's when our problems became noticable. All these yrs we have put her as our focus & now it's become clear that we don't even treat each other as good as we treat our friends. I'm a talker & over the years I have subconsciously found other people to talk to because my husband isn't into "deep thought" conversation. To ask him what he thinks about a subject or what his feelings are is pointless. A few months ago I told him we should divorce because I want a companion, not a room-mate. This got his attention & he actually talked to a guy friend about it. The friend was thankfully a Christian & suggested we attend Family Life's "A Weekend To Remeber". At the weekend, we got married again & decided this was a new start for us. Things are getting better as a result (we also read FMO & FWO which made things even more clear). The good news is that my husband is starting to develop a real relationship with God.
I still don't feel like he's my best friend though. It seems that there's an unspoken connection that we haven't found. |
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hm36
Posts:1
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| 07/25/2009 12:29 PM |
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For Tiffany in response to your 4/29 post- I'm in no way a professional when it comes to marital advice, but I've been down the road of divorce, and it's not pretty. It's an extrememly distructive, painful experience that will put you in the deepest, darkest nights of your soul. I would caution any spouse to keep from even contemplating divorce- that's a trap satan uses to suck you down the road of death.
When it comes to wanting something from your spouse and having a need met, the most effective action you can take is to fervently and diligently pray about your need. I completely understand the need to be connected deeply to your man. After years of raising your daughter and making that a priority, I can understand that you could feel like you two are strangers. If you want your husband to know who you are, get to know him. You already know enough about his likes and dislikes - show him your genuinely interested in him, be patient, and over time, he'll take notice. Don't forget to pray!!
Keep expectations low, but efforts high. Have you seen "Fireproof"? How about getting the book The Love Dare and working your way through that? It's work, but I'm finding that if love is what you want in the form of true friendship, you first must give it and work at it. You get what you give.
I think you'll find the connection you're looking for. |
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overwhelmed35
Posts:7
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| 08/22/2009 9:46 AM |
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| Everything. Marriage itself. We've been married 16 years. He says he loves me, but isn't sure he wants to stay married. He says for the last few years, when he thinks of the future, he pictures himself alone. He says he has resented me for my career choices for the last 9 years, but didn't speak up because he wanted me to be happy. His input was not only welcome, but asked for! He told me that he understood and agreed with my choices, but I guess he was lying. |
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Encouraged
Posts:2
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| 12/27/2009 2:08 AM |
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Our biggest challenge is that the trust between us as a couple has gone. Decisions were made by both of us without consultation escalating into a position of rocky ground financially and emotionally. Anger and resentment filtered its way into our sense of focus and we both filled our time with helping others outside our marriage and not our marriage itself. Grief for the loss of family in so many ways for myself was not dealt with appropriately and lack of understanding bread contempt. I love my husband and wish he would come back to me and that we could go for counselling and become one again but I don't know how to ask him because I am afraid of the pain and suffering I don't feel I can endure if he rejects me again. If anyone knows how to approach an attempt at gaining back your Spouses trust I pray that you will respond to my request.  |
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Encouraged
Posts:2
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| 12/27/2009 2:08 AM |
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| Our biggest challenge is that the trust between us as a couple has gone. Decisions were made by both of us without consultation escalating into a position of rocky ground financially and emotionally. Anger and resentment filtered its way into our sense of focus and we both filled our time with helping others outside our marriage and not our marriage itself. Grief for the loss of family in so many ways for myself was not dealt with appropriately and lack of understanding bread contempt. I love my husband and wish he would come back to me and that we could go for counselling and become one again but I don't know how to ask him because I am afraid of the pain and suffering I don't feel I can endure if he rejects me again. If anyone knows how to approach an attempt at gaining back your Spouses trust I pray that you will respond to my request. |
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mandyliza
Posts:1
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| 01/06/2010 10:45 PM |
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My husband and I are going through a rocky patch right now (emotionally) as well because I had brain surgery a few months ago, and he was doing (and still is) grad school at the same time. It appeared to me that all of his love for me was gone - or he didn't know how to show it. Or, at least not at one of the most important times in my life... After a complete break down between the two of us, I approached my husband with the idea of counseling for us telling him - VERY kindly mind you - that I thought I would go to counseling (and that's always a plus anyway) and I thought that if he would think of going with me, that it would do us a world of good. I made sure to say that HE would think of going with me, because if I said otherwise, I know that would have totally blown it. He fortunately said yes, and we just started going. However, I didn't really mention it much once I made the appt. Keep your chin up, and the more you try and stay positive, the more it rubs off on him. Fortunately, I'm starting to see it. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you 
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jan
Posts:1
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| 02/16/2010 10:53 PM |
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| Our biggest problem is that I discovered my husband has been viewing porn for 2 years. He lied to my face for a year after I saw porn on our computer (he said it was someone working on our house). I caught him again and he confessed in November. I have trouble moving on and I have a broken heart. I never turn him down when he wants to be intimate and tried to meet all his needs. It is hard for me to trust him and I truly have a broken heart. I feel such betrayal. He seems very genuine but I have so much trouble moving on. How do I get over my heart break? We have three kids and have been married almost 14 years. Please pray for us. |
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