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Julie Fidler
Posts:172
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| 09/13/2008 10:00 PM |
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What is the biggest struggle your marriage is facing right now?
For us, i t's finances. I recently quit a full-time job to take a part-time one (so I could spend the rest of the time writing), and we're both pretty determined to make it work, but finances were a struggle even before I changed jobs. It's amazing how much pressure it puts on your marriage...
-Julie
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Project Specialist for Shaunti Feldhahn |
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Fallen Short
Posts:5
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| 09/25/2008 9:34 PM |
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Well, they all seem pretty big right now .... we have many struggles going on right now ...
1) This is a second marriage for both of us, and each of us has a teenaged daughter, so there are parenting issues and emotional baggage to be dealt with.
2) one of our daughters is recovering from a Narcotics/Alcohol addiction
3) I am recovering from a sexual addiction and all the marital fallout associated with it
4) we have more expenses than income at the moment
5) HUGE sexual differences between us compounded my history of sexual addiction and my wife's stress level
6) health problems for both me and my wife
I do love my wife and am committed to her,  but it feels like we are being tested in a big way 
I thank the Lord for His strength, because without it, I don't know how we could go on. I am amazed my wife hasn't left me actually, because she thinks sex addicts are evil.
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Psalm 37:4-5
Posts:2
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| 09/30/2008 3:07 PM |
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| My husband and I have an interesting situation. He and I are "wired" opposite from then normal couple. That being said, I 100% completely agree with and experience the feelings of rejection mentioned in chapter 4 of For Women Only . It also leads to other difficulties directly related to that and nothing else. I know he loves me fiercely and is one hundred percent faithful (won't even look at a gratuitous tv commercial), but I constantly have to give the feelings of rejection over to the LORD. Every other aspect of our relationship seems to be typical and he is way far better a husband than I ever thought God would grant me. But this one aspect does need serious prayer. We've read books, talked with people, and come to the conclusion that there MUST be other couples out there like this. Maybe when I find the answers to this, I'll write a book! |
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Psalm 37:4-5
Posts:2
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| 09/30/2008 3:09 PM |
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| That is, I understand the feelings usually felt by the husband in chapter 4. |
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Tiffany
Posts:29
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| 04/29/2009 3:00 PM |
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To me our biggest struggle is us trying to be best friends. We met 22 yrs. ago, moved in together 3 months later, & got married 9 months after that...& no I was not pregnant! I went to church as a teenager but when I got out on my own I forgot about God for many years. When our daughter was born (3 years after we got married), I said we should raise her to know God & so we started attending church. Attending is about all we did. We didn't focus on God, etc. Once when we were playing "The Newlywed" board game with friends my husband answered one of the ?s by saying that he didn't know I was so religious. We continued attending church most of the time. Our daughter is a Jr in High School so she can drive herself places & is a social butterfly so she's never home. That's when our problems became noticable. All these yrs we have put her as our focus & now it's become clear that we don't even treat each other as good as we treat our friends. I'm a talker & over the years I have subconsciously found other people to talk to because my husband isn't into "deep thought" conversation. To ask him what he thinks about a subject or what his feelings are is pointless. A few months ago I told him we should divorce because I want a companion, not a room-mate. This got his attention & he actually talked to a guy friend about it. The friend was thankfully a Christian & suggested we attend Family Life's "A Weekend To Remeber". At the weekend, we got married again & decided this was a new start for us. Things are getting better as a result (we also read FMO & FWO which made things even more clear). The good news is that my husband is starting to develop a real relationship with God.
I still don't feel like he's my best friend though. It seems that there's an unspoken connection that we haven't found. |
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hm36
Posts:1
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| 07/25/2009 12:29 PM |
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For Tiffany in response to your 4/29 post- I'm in no way a professional when it comes to marital advice, but I've been down the road of divorce, and it's not pretty. It's an extrememly distructive, painful experience that will put you in the deepest, darkest nights of your soul. I would caution any spouse to keep from even contemplating divorce- that's a trap satan uses to suck you down the road of death.
When it comes to wanting something from your spouse and having a need met, the most effective action you can take is to fervently and diligently pray about your need. I completely understand the need to be connected deeply to your man. After years of raising your daughter and making that a priority, I can understand that you could feel like you two are strangers. If you want your husband to know who you are, get to know him. You already know enough about his likes and dislikes - show him your genuinely interested in him, be patient, and over time, he'll take notice. Don't forget to pray!!
Keep expectations low, but efforts high. Have you seen "Fireproof"? How about getting the book The Love Dare and working your way through that? It's work, but I'm finding that if love is what you want in the form of true friendship, you first must give it and work at it. You get what you give.
I think you'll find the connection you're looking for. |
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overwhelmed35
Posts:7
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| 08/22/2009 9:46 AM |
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| Everything. Marriage itself. We've been married 16 years. He says he loves me, but isn't sure he wants to stay married. He says for the last few years, when he thinks of the future, he pictures himself alone. He says he has resented me for my career choices for the last 9 years, but didn't speak up because he wanted me to be happy. His input was not only welcome, but asked for! He told me that he understood and agreed with my choices, but I guess he was lying. |
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Encouraged
Posts:2
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| 12/27/2009 2:08 AM |
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Our biggest challenge is that the trust between us as a couple has gone. Decisions were made by both of us without consultation escalating into a position of rocky ground financially and emotionally. Anger and resentment filtered its way into our sense of focus and we both filled our time with helping others outside our marriage and not our marriage itself. Grief for the loss of family in so many ways for myself was not dealt with appropriately and lack of understanding bread contempt. I love my husband and wish he would come back to me and that we could go for counselling and become one again but I don't know how to ask him because I am afraid of the pain and suffering I don't feel I can endure if he rejects me again. If anyone knows how to approach an attempt at gaining back your Spouses trust I pray that you will respond to my request.  |
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Encouraged
Posts:2
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| 12/27/2009 2:08 AM |
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| Our biggest challenge is that the trust between us as a couple has gone. Decisions were made by both of us without consultation escalating into a position of rocky ground financially and emotionally. Anger and resentment filtered its way into our sense of focus and we both filled our time with helping others outside our marriage and not our marriage itself. Grief for the loss of family in so many ways for myself was not dealt with appropriately and lack of understanding bread contempt. I love my husband and wish he would come back to me and that we could go for counselling and become one again but I don't know how to ask him because I am afraid of the pain and suffering I don't feel I can endure if he rejects me again. If anyone knows how to approach an attempt at gaining back your Spouses trust I pray that you will respond to my request. |
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mandyliza
Posts:1
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| 01/06/2010 10:45 PM |
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My husband and I are going through a rocky patch right now (emotionally) as well because I had brain surgery a few months ago, and he was doing (and still is) grad school at the same time. It appeared to me that all of his love for me was gone - or he didn't know how to show it. Or, at least not at one of the most important times in my life... After a complete break down between the two of us, I approached my husband with the idea of counseling for us telling him - VERY kindly mind you - that I thought I would go to counseling (and that's always a plus anyway) and I thought that if he would think of going with me, that it would do us a world of good. I made sure to say that HE would think of going with me, because if I said otherwise, I know that would have totally blown it. He fortunately said yes, and we just started going. However, I didn't really mention it much once I made the appt. Keep your chin up, and the more you try and stay positive, the more it rubs off on him. Fortunately, I'm starting to see it. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you 
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jan
Posts:1
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| 02/16/2010 10:53 PM |
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| Our biggest problem is that I discovered my husband has been viewing porn for 2 years. He lied to my face for a year after I saw porn on our computer (he said it was someone working on our house). I caught him again and he confessed in November. I have trouble moving on and I have a broken heart. I never turn him down when he wants to be intimate and tried to meet all his needs. It is hard for me to trust him and I truly have a broken heart. I feel such betrayal. He seems very genuine but I have so much trouble moving on. How do I get over my heart break? We have three kids and have been married almost 14 years. Please pray for us. |
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hadams
Posts:2
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| 10/30/2010 7:12 PM |
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| Hi Tiffany!
I am glad that you and your husband are making progress in your relationships with God and with each other. And I am sorry to hear that you do not yet feel that he is your best friend. I have been with my husband for almost 17 years (since we were 18) and while we are still in love and still devoted to each other, I know we haven't always felt like "best friends". One very very important thing to keep in mind is that your hubby is a MAN. When you think of a best friend, you probably think of a childhood girlfriend, or even a woman you cherish now as an adult. You are best friends because you have so much in common: you go to movies together, you shop together, you gossip/complain (LOL) about men, you have similar taste in music, fashion, books, etc... This will NOT be the relationship most women have with their husbands. Even if he is your biggest fan, chances are that he will not want to color your hair or paint your toenails- or any other thing you would do with a female friend. Your friendship with him can be soul-deep, lifelong, and genuinely true... but it will be completely different than your initial idea of a best friend. Remember that if he is making a real effort and he is still involved, he is TRYING. He deserves to be the best friend that God is providing for you, not just to try filling the mold he thinks you want. Just because it's "different" doesn't mean it isn't the same... Look at it this way: If you asked your husband what his idea of a best friend was, his answer would probably be much different than yours. In his eyes, he likely IS your best friend... You just haven't realized it yet.
Good luck rediscovering God's plans for you both!
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Chelzy
Posts:1
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| 01/02/2011 5:27 PM |
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| I first want to say that God is so good for leading me to this website. I was listening to a Christian station and Shaunti was discussing her books, 'For Men Only' and 'For Women Only' and everything she pointed out made so much sense! I look forward to purchasing and reading the books. I have only been married for just under three years. So far, we have had a lovely marriage. I definitely consider my husband as my best friend. The main issue we have however, is truly establishing a relationship with God as a couple. I belonged to a church from the age of 9 until just a few years ago (I'm 28yrs old). I was very active in the church and even taught a children's ministry through God's grace and guidance. I discontinued my membership at this church for various reasons and I was hoping that by now my husband and I would have have joined a church together. We have visited a specific church 3 times together and he seems to like it, but whenever I mention returning or going to another church, he always says 'I know I need to go to church' and that's it. I don't want to nag him but I know how important it is for us to find a church home. I'm not sure how to proceed with this matter. I pray that God will urge him to join a church with me, but it is difficult to continue going to church alone. I feel lost as a Christian without a church home. I also feel nervous about joining a church myself because at the previous church that I grew up in, I became one of the go-to persons for programs, plays, Sunday School, etc. I enjoy serving God in any capacity I can, but not when I feel I'm being taken advantage of. Any advice on how to handle these isues would be greatly appreciated! :-) |
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Rachel M
Posts:5
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| 04/17/2011 2:08 AM |
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| Hi, I'm new here. I heard Shaunti doing an interview on Revive Our Hearts radio program recently. So much of what she said rang true. I ordered the book For Women Only and the ROH 30 day Encourage your Husband Challenge booklet. I just finished reading the book and taking the 30 day challenge. So much has changed in my marriage as I have tried to bless and encourage my husband every day.
The struggle that I am having though is to not fall back into old habits of critisizing and dishonouring my husband. God's way is best, but it is an upward battle against self.
I would encourage any married ladies to go to the Revive Our Hearts website and take the 30 day challenge. You can also listen to all their radio messages or read them for free. |
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my blog: cherishingthemoment.net |
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LisaG
Posts:7
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| 09/28/2011 11:33 AM |
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The respect thing for me is always a struggle..I DO act to him like I repsect him but I just dont feel it inside....he is not a take charge kind of guy...which is hard for me because I am a take charge kind of woman it takes all the strength I have not to bull doze over him..he's a wonderful sweet man but just once I'd like to feel like I can sit back and be taken care of ...like he has my back and he can take care of me..he is just kind of clueless...sweet wonderful godly man handsome,good father, faithful,...but so insecure...not a great provider and has a horrible time making decsions...he can't make them...so he doesn't..it drives me crazy....i think he feels if he ignores things long enough they will go away....wish he could just figure out he is an awesome Man..I tell him this and I do love him but to be honest I do not have alot of respect for his passive way of living life...for his inability to make decsions and his inablity to provide financially for us as a family..I feel like the man in the relationship and I do not want to feel this way. |
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