| Author |
Messages |
|
lansym
Posts:1
 |
| 06/09/2009 5:40 PM |
|
After completely giving up on love I thought I had me the one and gave love another chance. He started out being my friend later becoming my bestfriend then my boyfriend. I had been dating this wonderful man for several months. He was previously married for 12 years and has a baby. I have never been married nor do I have any kids.
Beyond all of the stress and struggles we had come across to be together we had made it pretty far I thought. We seemed to be great together but terrible when we were apart. We broke up exactly two weeks ago.
I have struggled a lot w/insecurities of me towards his ex and sharing his time w/the baby during the week. Seemed like on the weekends when we all spent time together it was great but during the week the minute he had to leave to go see the baby or pick her up without me I struggled. Not because I am jealous of the baby but because it seemed like he would go out of his way to accomodate his ex on the days he went up to visit the baby.
When his ex would texted him or called him it usually ruined our evening and on many ocassions the weekend. The conversation w/her would turn into a huge disagreement and arguement w/me. Most of our fights were from outside sources not because him or I created them ourselves. When we fought it was like he was always defending her over me and he was always on her side. That pushed me to believe that everythime she needed something, sent messages, or called he would stop the world to accomodate her.
I called it quits because I couldnt deal w/the insecurities any more. He replied to a text that his ex sent that was really nothing but I felt threatened by it. The next day after I realized the mistake I had made I apologized and tried to make up, begged and pleaded and cried until I was blue in the face and he wasnt having any of it. He had completely shut me out emotionally. He now wants nothing to do with me other than an estranged friendship. He says that maybe one day if he can open back up to me it could be more but for now that is all he is capable of giving.
He has asked me for space and like most people when you ask them to stop doing something they seem to do it more. I have failed miserably at that. I cant stop thinking of him and how much this hurts me therefore I text him and instant message him even more.
I dont understand how such a magnificant person can become so cold towards the person they love and that makes them happy (or so he said). I just dont seem to understand why he shuts me out? Why wont he talk to me about it nor give it another try? I dont know what to believe any more.
|
|
|
|
|
Travis
Posts:41
|
| 06/09/2009 9:44 PM |
|
I know somewhat you are going through...I've had these same questions after my first relationship with my first girlfriend. It was hard, and its going to be hard. I'm doing better now. Its been 2 months after a 17 month relationship. I know, im still young...anyhow, enough about me
I am a guy, and I am 21. I'm not really smart, and I'm not some very wise person. But i do have some advice.
First:
Hearing about all of the insecurity makes me think that you are not finding your fulfillment in God. You shouldn't be insecure. Just think about that stuff.
Second:
Its better for YOU and for him to not talk to him, and to not be around him. PERIOD! I know its hard, but you have to discipline yourself in this. You just have to make the choice; you already know whats right and wrong. You talking to him will bug him even more and will drive him crazy. And it will be even worse for you. You need to get over him and it will take a very long time.
Third:
Its easy for him to leave you because you were smothering him with your insecurity. Well, it might not be easy, but hes disciplining himself. Hes not going to talk to you about it, maybe because you need to spend some time with God. He still cares and loves you. I don't even know you, and I know he still loves you. Believe me.
Fourth:
ULTIMATELY you need to spend A LOT of time with God. You need to get closer with Him by reading in your Holy Bible, praying, and having fellowship and accountability with people who can do that. God has a perfect plan. You need to listen to Him. Its all up to you to chose that. And he doesn't want you to go to Him because you want this man back in your life. He wants you to go to Him because you Love Him, and you want to know Him more.
I hope this helps, let me know if you have any questions.
Remember, this forum is not God. God is God. Talk to Him and ask Him these questions! |
|
~And in the end, The love you take
Is equal to the love you make~ |
|
|
|