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dk
Posts:1
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| 05/01/2009 9:35 AM |
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In the book "For Men Only" there was a quote that I had a question about. "If all men are truly visual and can't help it, then I think they should please understand that women are turly verbal and can't help it. For example, the things men say to us are in mental tape archives and are as real today as they were the moment they were spoken. (p60)"
If this is the case then why is it necessary for men to tell their wives that they love them constantly. Why can't they just "replay it" and live that moment over and over again. Not that I mind telling my wife that I love and and do so offten, but it there was a need for more, just remember the times and relive the feelings of that moment. If they can remember those times that were bad to the point that it would cause them to have a break down of some sort, then why can't they do the same with the good times?
Or do they just file away those "tapes" that are unresloved?
Also in regards to this "mental tape archive" how or where does biblical forgiveness fit in? I know that forgetting may not be possible but forgiven should be. If it keeps resurfacing over and over again it seems to me that forgivenss was never fully attained. |
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Julie Fidler
Posts:172
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| 05/12/2009 10:28 PM |
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Why don't women just relive the "I love you's" over and over again. Heh. Good question. 
Well, why do men need sex more than once? Can't they just relive THAT over and over? Or do they need regular "reminders" that they are respected and supported?
I mean, it's kinda like... six to one, half a dozen to another, you know? Who knows why. That's just how it is.
I would think if a past discretion keeps coming up in conversation, there probably is a lack of forgiveness there. It must have been a pretty big hurt. You may need to revisit it in conversation a few more times to resolve it... as much fun as I'm sure that sounds. :-) Prayin' for ya!
-Julie
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kamaaina
Posts:2
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| 08/20/2009 1:27 AM |
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| It appears that forgiveness is to "those tapes" what casting down imaginations is to "those videos". |
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overwhelmed35
Posts:7
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| 08/22/2009 11:31 AM |
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Julie, love your answer! 
We are well aware that feelings change, so frequent reminders are required. If you haven't said "I love you" in a while, even though she vividly remembers when you last said it, she'll begin to wonder if it is still true today. The same goes for "I wish I'd never married you." Even if it was said years ago during a fight, she'll vividly remember it and sometimes wonder if it is still true today. |
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overwhelmed35
Posts:7
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| 08/22/2009 11:34 AM |
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| Also, I want to add, women DO remember the good times. If she didn't why would she still be with you? Unfortunately, hurtful memories seem to have a stronger impact than comforting memories do. It probably has something to do with how humans are wired to protect themselves from future harm. |
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Gracia
Posts:2
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| 08/22/2009 11:03 PM |
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| I am new here and have been reading a lot of the forums. Travis has been right on the money. The books help us to realize how the natural man is and how the natural woman is. Now that we know, it must be realized that God does not want us to keep our flaws. The books are no excuse to say "that is just the way I was born". That is why we need to be born againg. We were born messed up! One of the core problems with each sex is that everything in a marriage is taken so personally, including the flaws of the partner in question. That is their flaw. They would have that flaw with anyone they are with, not just with you. Couples need to leave the emotional baggage behind and realize that there is a way to live and a way to be. The first person to start with is ourselves. I know, I was recently re-married. It is difficult to have a blended family. I have overlooked the times my husband has gotten grumpy with me and said hurtful things. I told him gently that I did not like what he said and why. Then I got on my knees and prayed for him and prayed for me. I told God I forgive him. Then I was determined to "kill him with kindness". He complained that certain things were not to his liking, so I found out what those things were. I was irritated and grumbled to the Lord that he was picky and there would never be a perfect family, but nevertheless I showed him kindness and love and kept telling God what was bothering me. A week later and a day after my last prayer to God about what was bothering me, my husband told me he was sorry for some of the things that he told me. He also said that he loved me more than I realized and that he would step up to the plate and do what God (and I) wanted him to do. I was shocked. Everything he told me was in the conversation I had with God the day before! God heard me and because I was willing to "heap coals upon his head"(my husband's) by treating him much kinder than he was treating me, God saw fit to prod my husband in the right direction. We are both much happier now. We cannot stay the way we were born, we must put on the fruit of the Spirit like Galatians 5 says so God can loose us from anger and hurt. |
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