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NMLs
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| 10/09/2008 4:47 AM |
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I've been following the Only series for a while.
I think the advice is outstanding. (If you're willing to take the advice)
But, I'm not married. I started in with these because I was tired of multiple failed short relationships, and I really wanted to understand women.
I was hoping for a singles version. And I'm a guy, so I can only ask these questions from my perspective.
What does it mean when a woman "tests", and how do you handle them? Such as picking fights or getting upset about minor things that seem petty or made-up to me. Seeming aloof or without passion in regards to you when you're trying to have her appreciate you. And why does she want me to be the one who decides what to do, and then turns her nose up at the idea without offering an alternative?
How do you approach a woman without being cheesy or being a pushy jerk? (There's a very fine line where "smooth" can be achieved, and I admit, I have no idea where that line is.)
And are there signs of her wanting to be approached at all?
What are some ways to build trust?
What else should I be asking?
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runfree24
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| 10/09/2008 9:57 PM |
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Those are great questions--you know i don't know either what it means to test a guy--i suppose when you first defer to his judgement on something and normally you want to just take over--that could be a test. I think women--even those who call themselves independent, really resent the idea of having to make decisions all of the time. this is where i believe the liberation movement for women has gone astray. perhaps i am just too traditional. I am not sure why they would turn their nose up at you--other than maybe they thought you would come up with a better answer?! women are strange like that too...
the best way to build trust is in follow up--or the follow through. if you say you will do something, do it--if you say you will call, call, if you say you will stop by and pick up three tomatoes for her so she can make a pasta sauce, do it. you know? can be big or small, just do what you say and don't fluff things up--be geniune with her about how you are feeling. i can't answer your questions about the approach--i don't go to places where i could be approached--sauf the running club and even then, i just get a lot of phone calls and emails after--like the guys are too shy to just talk to me when they see me.--but wouldn't that be nice? |
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NMLs
Posts:4
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| 10/10/2008 2:59 AM |
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As far as "tests", I'm referring to the strangely bratty/snotty behavior that springs up, often early on. I'm sure you may say "Well, I don't do that." And I wouldn't dare accuse any of the fine women reading this of doing that.  But I'm sure that almost every guy reading this knows what I'm talking about.
As Jeff said in For Men Only, Men hold a hammer. Often, you don't even know that you hold a hammer, or even have the power to do any unintentional damage.
In dating/approaching, women are holding a sharp pointy stick. You have to be very sure that when you approach her, you're not going to get stabbed with it, or at least be ok with the idea. It can be a very masochistic act. And I'm willing to bet, most women don't know that what they're holding what is essentially a spear. |
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