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Princess
Posts:11
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| 01/23/2009 5:57 PM |
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I would love any and all advice about how to respectfully disagree with my husband. We mainly disagree over the children and discipline. He has a tendancy to yell and in my honest opinion, overreact. He is a great father, and I know he doesn't do it on purpose - it is what both our fathers did growing up.
I never say anything in front of the kids, but will take him aside and say, "I think you may have overreacted", or "Do you think that was an appropriate response?" My problem comes from feeling as though I am correcting him or telling him that he knows nothing when dealing with the kids. (Maybe I am reading too much into this??)
Also, how to disagree? If he feels that the best option to handle a situation is one thing and I feel certain that won't work, what is the best way to approach that?
I appreciate any advice you may have. |
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SewReba
Posts:19
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| 02/02/2009 10:09 PM |
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My best advice is simple. He is a grown man, let him be as such. As wives, tending to our household and its members, we naturally want to nurture even when it would be more damaging than helpful. God appointed him as the head of you and your kids. Let him be that authority. He is able. You aren't reading too much into it, you are absolutely showing him that you think he is inadequate (this will transfer into the bedroom too and other areas). You may be right when you say he overreacted, he likely already knows that he did, if he did. When you are certain something would be very bad and harmful address it and let him know at the right time (not in the heat of the moment). But remember, it is best if you keep this very limited, otherwise he will just resent you, you aren't likely to change his position or mind in that matter. You do have insight that he wont have, but more often then not, you should let it go. It most often isn't worth the damage it causes in your marriage. Just because you feel better for having said your peace, doesn't mean he sees it that way. It slowly strips away their confidence in us and builds walls instead. It can be hard to do. But remember, if you died it would be just him and he would be able to it. Maybe not your way, but he would still be ABLE. hope this helps!
Oh wait, one more. The world is mean, difficult, unfair, lonely and your kids will be better off having someone who cares for them yelling at them to help prepare them for it. I know that sounds strange, but if they know their father loves them, and wants what is best for them it wont be as damaging as it seems. I don't like it when my husband yells at our kids, but I know they need to be built up to face the world and it is best done at the hands of someone who deeply loves them. They will have bosses that yell at them, friends, coaches, enemies... this will give them strength and help them to know how they want to behave toward their own kids someday.
But that's just my 2 cents. |
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Self discipline is what we need in order to do the things we must do so that we may have the things we say we want. -JM |
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Princess
Posts:11
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| 02/04/2009 5:39 PM |
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Thank you for the advice. Perhaps I am more concerned about their "feelings" than I need to be. The comment about kids being better off in the long run is hard to disagree with (though I wish I could.) I have never really though about it that way.
Any suggestions on when we are having a discussion about something and we disagree? Right now (I am pretty new to these ideas), I feel like I have to keep quiet about everything in order to let him lead. I fear that by even giving my opinion, I am trying to take over. (Same example as with the kids, I guess.) But I am talking about stuff like whether we want to skip Valentines Day gifts this year, if we buy them, what should our limit be. . .) I bring up the subject, but don't feel comfortable sharing my opinion because I fear I am trying to be the boss. |
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