| Author |
Messages |
|
lonelyathome
Posts:2
 |
| 10/04/2010 5:49 PM |
|
| What is the definition of respect? My husband says that if I do not do what he tells me to do.. no matter how little or big, then I am showing him disrespect... We had a big blowup this past Sunday.. on our way out of Church of all places... It was a busy Sunday with a meeting right after church (for me) to disperse teaching material for our upcoming kids program on Weds. His mom and dad were in town and wanted to meet for lunch after Church... my phones battery went dead during church.. he is rushing me out the door, empty handed, while I struggle to get three bags of stuff, and my personal items out.. he begins yelling as soon as the door closes on the vehicle.. i need to call his mom and dad.. he told me that before Church.. I told him my phone was dead.. i get the lecture on why i didn't get my lazy butt out here and charge it.. I called them on his phone.. no answer.. lmsg.. he continues to rampage on and on.. I am so stupid.. I cannot do anything right... I am such a failure as a wife... I blew up.. told him i was not the only one in the vehicle that could pick up a phone... he told me he works and makes the money.. and I am to do everything else.. then proceeded to tell me I am not a good wife... where do I keep going wrong? I work side by side with him and he can rant and rave on how stupid I am.. he will call me "Stupid" 6 times in any given hour we work together.. and yes I know the answer.. quit working with him... not an option... have tried "quitting" before.. Do i continue to just bite my tongue and let the silent tears flow... ?? Any advice is appreciated... I long for loving words.. but right now silence is golden for my heart... |
|
|
|
|
LovingMomma
Posts:4
|
| 10/09/2010 4:13 PM |
|
| Of course you deserve respect as well. The thing is that people get into cycles of mutual disrespect. Maybe he felt disrespected because you didnt listen to him, you say he told you before church that he wanted you to call his parents, but you didnt, and you waited until he asked to say something about it. If you wanted him to call his parents, you should have said so in the begining, maybe told him that you were going to be in a meeting after church so it would be easier for him to call. The rest of the things he said were really unkind, but I know I have said horrible things in a fight too, so I wouldnt take those completely to heart. I know my husband thinks it is very important to have my phone on, and charged all the time, and where I can answer it. It is a respect issue for him, I dont understand it all the way, but it is something that really bothers him when I dont, so I make sure that I do. You do deserve respect from your husband. It is important though that you treat him with respect no matter what he does, then if he says something that is disrespectful to you let him know. If he calls you stupid (not ok in my opinion) say that hurts, but then leave it at that. Let him know that what he is saying hurts you, then let him take responsibility for that by not pushing it farther. Hopefully with you treating him with respect, and just letting him know that he hurts you by what he says he will start treating you with more respect as well. |
|
|
|
|
lyricann
Posts:2
|
| 12/28/2010 5:29 PM |
|
| Selection #3 on the noun side of the word RESPECT says: Willingness to show consideration or appreciation. And, in my opinion you aren't getting any in this situation. How horrible it must be to have your husband telling you that you are a failure as a wife, that you can't do anything right or that you are stupid!! I certainly mean no disrespect to any other posters on this but I have to wonder if they even read all of what you said? I dont think your husband felt disrespected because you didn't listen to him. You did listen to him and you did try to call his parents but your cell was dead and you told him that. He could have called his parents but he chose to yell and belittle you. IMO, it sounds like he may be mentally abusive and this is not a good situation to be in. Especially, if you have children. They will learn from what they see and possibly carry it on into their adult relationships. There is a big difference between respecting your husband and him metally tearing you down! Where do we as women, wives and mothers draw the line between being a good, caring and loving wife to being a doormat and whipping post? Respect is earned not given. I am a Christian and I know that the Lord wants us to respect our husbands but surely he wouldn't want us to do it at the expense of our own health and well-being.
|
|
|
|
|
annie410
Posts:3
|
| 02/07/2011 10:17 AM |
|
There's been a lot written lately about men needing respect first and foremost and women needing to feel "loved". But what is "love"? Love consists of so many things, respect being only one of those things. Would men really want to feel unloved but "respected" by their wives, if given a choice? As in, a wife saying, "I respect you greatly, honey, but I don't really love you that much." Can this be true? I doubt it. I personally think EVERYONE desires to be loved, respected, appreciated, trusted, honored, treasured, etc....In my experience, men sometimes put their achievements, egos and pride before all else. I do believe that men have a strong provider/protector instinct but when a man focuses on his achievements/job/hobbies,etc...before his wife and family, who is he really protecting? What is he honoring? Himself? In other words, it's great to have "stuff", but without "relationship", there's nothing.......except more "stuff".
I think it all boils down to what a person values. What a person values is what he or she will devote the most time and effort to. Anyone can sense when someone else doesn't value him or her. You feel neglected, ignored, discounted, etc......When you don't honor the most precious people in your life, what do you really have? And what will you reap in the end? |
|
|
|
|
xerarose
Posts:1
|
| 03/19/2011 7:26 PM |
|
Personally, as someone who has been in (and is in the process of sorting out) an abusive relationship, I would advise you to leave. Not divorce, but leave, until counselling and steps have been taken to ensure your safety. Your story there was eerily similar to several situations I experienced with my husband, and for us, I didn't pay attention to those red flags, and didn't leave until after the abuse escalated into physical.
Please get help for yourself -- it may be possible to save your marriage.. |
|
|
|
|
annie410
Posts:3
|
| 04/07/2011 9:50 AM |
|
The very title of this forum, "Do women DESERVE respect as well" makes me almost shudder. Well, I would hope so. Being called "stupid" six times within an hour is horribly disrespectful and dishonoring, not to mention abusive, since this obviously isn't a one time occurrence. I seriously would leave my husband if he did that and making my return conditional on his receiving counseling and both of you entering counseling. Only after a period of time (maybe 6 months) where I saw some changes, would I return.
Additionally, one of the main problems in relationships today is that women are primarily the ones who read the books about improving relationships, marriages, etc...We are the ones who push for counseling, improving our relationships, etc....There is also a big difference between love and respect. Love is unconditional, while respect and trust must be EARNED over time. I'm sure the lady being called stupid by her husband still loves him and longs for a mutally loving relationship with him. Yet, how can she possibly respect a man who calls her stupid and treats her in this horrible way. Sometimes men "kill" off that respect with their behaviors: neglect, anger, control, abuse, infidelity, etc....If men learned to truly value their relationships with their wives as much as they do their careers, achievements and status, etc....we'd have a lot fewer divorces, I believe. |
|
|
|
|
|