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| 06/27/2010 3:31 PM |
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What do you do when the husband medically can not have an erection. In the years past I have been willing to have just foreplay but, I end up sad and broken for him and for myself. I know this area in our marriage is on one of the reason for our troubles. Does anyone have any answers. |
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Joel213
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| 08/07/2010 7:32 PM |
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| Sorry to hear your husband is having problems. I just have a few questions:
1) What do you mean by "medically can not have an erection"?? Specifically has he had an operation--like for prostate cancer for example-- which knocked off the nerves which make an erection happen?? Or is he on medications which are well known to "shoot you down" like beta-blockers or some of the prostate meds like Avodart.
2) How old is he and does he have vascular disease? Alternatively, has he had his hormones --especially testosterone-- checked?( Remember--testosterone receptors aren't just in the vasculature of the penis-- there are also tons of these receptors in the brain and spinal cord--and if the nerves don't work right--nothing else works right.)
Get him to see his doctor. (Go with him and make SURE the doctor understands the nature and degree of the problem.)
WORST CASE SCENARIO: if ALL else fails he can probably get an implantable penile prosthesis. (The patient "satisfaction surveys" on men who have had these is greater than 85% happy with their "function" -- and their partner's response to the surveys is about the same!! So take heart and be of ggod cheer!! The solution may be very simple or somewhat more complicated--- but with some professional help-- this problem is almost certainly fixable.
God bless. |
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kristy
Posts:3
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| 09/12/2010 7:32 PM |
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God is still the Great Physician. He still wants to heal today and He still heals today. The Bible says Jesus is the same yesterday, today & forever. What He did when He walked the earth, He still does today. If there is a medical issue, God can heal it. Pray to God. Ask Him to reveal the issue and ask Him to heal it or if there is something you two need to do to fix it. God is willing...but you must have faith. Jesus said over and over "by your faith you have been healed." |
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Julie Fidler
Posts:172
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| 11/29/2010 10:58 PM |
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Row-
This is something my husband and I have dealt with throughout the large part of our marriage (married 10 yrs.) I understand how frustrated and hurt you are. Our marriage almost ended in divorce because of it.
When you say your husband "medically can't" achieve an erection, what does that mean exactly? My husband deals with fibromyalgia, which is a chronic auto-immune disease. He is exhausted and in a lot of pain much of the time.
I'll be really blunt here.
We have found that it's not so much a matter of him being able to have an erection so much as an issue with pain, which kills his libido. For many years we thought it was just a matter of erectile dysfunction (I hate the term "impotent") and SOMETIMES it is, but usually it's low libido caused by pain and exhaustion.
One thing that has been really helpful for us is to find other ways to be physically intimate. Sometimes what my husband really needs is a massage or a back rub, so he still takes care of my sexual needs and I take care of him in whatever way he needs it at the time. There isn't really a wrong way to be intimate, you know? You have to find your "groove" and find a way to be sexual, and whatever you come up with is OK as long as you're both happy with it.
Another thing is to make sure you let him know you don't look down on him for his issue. The longer he HAS the problem, the lower his self-esteem drops and I GUARANTEE YOU he feels really terrible about himself. You have to help him deal with that. When you have sexual problems, it's soooooo easy to just STOP touching altogether, but that is the worst thing in the world you could ever do.
Let him know on a regular basis that you haven't given up on your love life and you never will. God still heals people even today, and there are a lot of medications on the market, and surely even better ones are in development.
Also, be willing to touch him sexually and take your time and not necessarily expect anything in return. For me, that's super difficult, but it has really helped us. Honestly, the first time I focused just on him and he was able to function, it boosted his self-esteem and he wasn't afraid or unwilling to try it the next time. It may be a really slow process and it might take a long time to get him feeling better about himself, but it's worth it. And if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. You have to let him know that's OK, too, but you're not going to give up and you're always willing to try.
My husband was always terrified it wouldn't work, so he just wouldn't let me touch him at all. The first 5 years of my marriage were hell. But now, even though we still have our struggles in the bedroom, we honestly have a WONDERFUL marriage and wonderful intimacy.
Like I said - it's all about finding your groove, i.e., a happy medium.
Hope this helps. Feel free to email me if you want to chat more in detail. Don't want to scare everybody half to death on the forum. :-)
Julie
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