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Jammindan
Posts:1
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| 08/25/2010 3:24 PM |
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My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years. I truly love him and he has so many great qualities, I have no doubt this is the man God wants me to be with. That being said, how do I respond or get my husband to take actions on things that need to be taken care of asap with out being disrespectful, I understand that my idea of asap and his vary. Ex: He needs a lot of dentistry work done on his teeth, through my work we have a flexible spending account meaning they take money off the top of my check and then reimburse us with that money for medical expenses. Well at the beginning of the year we decided as a couple how much money we thought we should place in the account (if you don’t use it by the end of the year, you loose it)...so he has known since the beginning of the year that we need to use this money and that he needed the dentistry work. So since January I have been trying to "remind" him not nag him about making the appointment and he finally set the appt up two days ago (August 23rd) so for 8 months this has needed to be taken care of...We have had several tifs about this the past 3 months. I just don’t understand why he wouldn't take care of it, he wouldn’t have to hear me say another word about it...I know he means well and that he wasn’t not making the apts to make me irritated but why didn’t he just do it? It makes me concerned about our future someday we want to have kids and I feel like he can’t even take care of his own stuff let alone help me out with what our kids will require…I just need some incite and some feed back on how I could maybe get him to understand the importance to things such as this to me…  |
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kristy
Posts:3
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| 09/09/2010 2:55 PM |
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I can relate somewhat to what you're saying and how you're feeling at the moment. My husband and I have been married a little over 3 years. We got pregnant 3 months after we were married. My husband had blurry vision and occasional headaches. But when he had the headaches, they were so severe he could not stand up. I thought he needed glasses. Doing my best not to nag him, I was trying to get him to go to the eye doctor (he hadn't been there since he was 17 - that was 20 years ago!!). He had these symptoms going on since March....even though he waited a few months before he told me about them). He finally went to the eye doctor in the beginning of August. Turned out that his eyesight was nearly perfect!...and the symptoms were from allergies (that he'd never had before). When I asked him why he waited so long, he replied that men don't like doctors...of any kind. He said it's nothing personal against the doctors, they really just don't like going. I talked to a couple other male friends of ours and they said the same thing. I realize this doesn't go for every single male in the world, but hopefully it gives you a little understanding. And to cover the comment about kids.....My husband is so good about calling the doctor for our daughter or asking me to do it. If he's home, he'll call in and get her an appt and if he's working, he'll ask me to do it before he leaves for work. God wouldn't set a man aside just for you to marry knowing full well that he couldn't take care of you or your kids. God knows what He's doing. My suggestion is first, don't worry and second, talk to your husband openly. Don't attack him for anything and make sure he knows your intent is not to attack, but to understand him more so that you can better support the decisions he makes. Just tell him how important talking this out is to you. I hope this helps!  |
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nazarene
Posts:7
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| 11/22/2010 8:01 AM |
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| If women could just learn to open up and share their feelings of concern and insecurity with the men in their life without blaming or sounding critical, and by buffering these expressions with messages of trust and acceptance, then men could listen more and not feel manipulated or blamed, mothered or pressured or controlled. Grown men don't like to be treated like children, especially from someone they most desire unconditional acceptance from!!!!! Women always say to this "Well then why do they act like children?" Well that is the woman's opinion, and another thing women tend to do is talk about their opinion as if it is fact. In their language and speech, they blur the distinction between opinion and fact, feeling and reality. I really don't want to make communication difficult for owmen or block their poetic free flowing style of speech, which has many positive aspects as well, but it is full of exaggerations, superlative adjectives and generalizations and can sound cutting to a man if not buffered by messages of trust and acceptance. Communicate feelings from your point of view, avoiding blame or diagnosis. Stay on your side of the court and don't presume to know his point of view. Simply express your point of view, your needs and your feelings and resist the temptation to go over onto his side, telling him what his needs are. Thanks for reading what I've written and I hope I can make a small difference in your life |
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